Gay men have a misogyny problem.
And again, not all, but is it a persistent issue. Gay misogyny is a product of oppression that is internalised and perpetuated.
When talking about gay misogyny it is important to define some terms:
Berling (2006) and Baker (2003) explore the idea of hostility towards femininity by the gay community. There is an “aspirational quality attributed to a straight-acting gay man who embodies a hegemonic form of masculinity” (Connells, 1987). Thus, fundamental hostility, disinterest and denigration of femininity in other gay men equates hostility, disinterest and denigration of women, including queer and trans women (Hale et al., 2018). This explains how patriarchy and misogyny permeate all communities, including the gay community. There is an unconscious bias where masculinity is idealized and femininity is villainized.
Because we live in a patriarchal society, misogyny is embedded into all of us. That’s why it is important to point out that this criticism is not an invitation to welcome homophobia or point fingers, but to understand that we are all unfortunately victims of our surroundings, and need to actively unlearn and point out our misogyny. This conversation comes with a lot of nuance, and it's important not to make blanket statements, or use it as a scapegoat to push more hatred. Two things can be true at the same time, we can call out misogyny within a group and also be respectful and acknowledge other marginalized communities.
Taking that into account, we see how “many gay men individuate their identity from straight men by exaggerating their sexual lack of interest in women. [But sadly, this] pours out with misogyny” (The Guardian). Gay men feel a sense of comfortability and think they get a “pass” at being deliberately sexist, and often feel too comfortable calling women names like bitch or cunt.
Take for example Perez Hilton, gay blogger and personality who has built a career on slut shaming women and picking apart their looks. Or even within the queer community, how use the term “fishy,” “[referencing] to the scent of a woman’s vagina” (RuPaul’s Drag Race), to describe drag queens who look ultra feminine in a “natural” way as opposed to a deliberately exaggerated impersonation (The Guardian). These are only a few examples of how the gay community uses women as the punchline and knowingly or not degrades them.
That’s why we need to advocate for solidarity between the women's and gay movement. When historically, women have been allies to the gay community, take for example the fight against HIV/AIDS, where groups of lesbian volunteers tended to dying men in the 1980s, it's also time for the gay community to show solidarity for women’s rights. “There is no emancipation for gay people without the universal liberation of women… many feel we do best fighting the corner we know best” (Patrick Strudwick, The Guardian), but women and gay men share a common oppressor, and fight a common battle, so it makes complete sense to support and advocate for one another.
