With Amsterdam Pride coming up, it’s easy to forget that we live in a bubble. A celebration dedicated to queer people doesn't mean the world is fixed, for many acceptance is still nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, the reality is that queer acceptance in the Netherlands is declining (Een Vandaag).
This is still very visible, as we recently collaborated with a brand on a campaign which featured a queer person getting their nails done by a queer-owned business. The message shared was a positive one, of celebrating gender expression and aiming to empower others to do the same. Sadly, the comment section was disappointing and disgusting to say the least, out of the current 204 comments, most shared homophobic and hateful redirects, and mostly came from men.
It is sad to see how rigid traditional gender roles make people so hateful. The fact that someone getting their nails done is so triggering to complete strangers is deeply concerning. Why does this simple act provoke people to wish pain on those they’ve never met? And why do they feel like it's a personal attack on them and their lives?
We would argue that this is a clear example of how much patriarchy harms men too.
Men are conditioned from a young age to conform to a restricted idea of masculinity, told not to be too "feminine," too emotional, too themselves. When they see others living freely and authentically, it unsettles something in them. It’s “an endless pressure for men to conform to a narrow prescription of masculinity, to compete with one another, and to prove their manhood by surrendering their individuality and denying their humanity” (Nextgenmen).
These rigid gender norms, perpetuated onto boys at a young age don’t just limit personal development, they are a direct pathway to gender-based hate and violence. It allows for men to feel a sense of entitlement over anyone not deemed “a man.” Men are taught to suppress pain rather than process it, and suppressed pain often turns outward. The hatred in that comment section isn’t just bigotry, it's also a reflection of men who were never given the tools to celebrate individuality in themselves or others. At the end of the day, “the patriarchy upholds norms and behaviours that are neither attainable nor desirable, and in the process we ALL suffer” (Nextgenmen).
Our intention with this post is not to fuel further hatred. As we can already see in the comment section, hate only invites more hate, with people finding ways to bring racism into the conversation unwarranted. Meeting hatred with more hatred is counterproductive. What we want to do is call out the harmful behaviour and analyse why it is that people react this way, we believe that the answer lies in understanding and educating people who do not align with our belief and morals.
